Let’s get one thing out of the way—appearances do matter. There’s no sugar-coating the truth. You can call it shallow and deny it all you want, but both social proof and science backs this up.
This includes not just your physical appearance and the “beauty” dimension, but how you present yourself—your clothes, accessories, hairstyle, scent, body language, tone of voice and energy level. It’s the whole package that people consider, and it can make or break you.
It’s natural to try figuring people out based on the sensory cues we’re given. We build a picture of them in our heads based on past impressions and stereotypes. We assume a girl with several tattoos is a rebel. We see a girl in a business suit as a driven go-getter.
To see how this plays out in dating, imagine going out with someone you recently met on a #datingapp. You’ve been texting and talking for a few days before deciding to meet for a date. You’re excited because you like his personality and how well-together he looks in his photos.
For the date, you wear your best outfit and spend extra time on hair and makeup. When you arrive, you see your match sitting at a table but you can barely recognize him with his messy hair, wrinkly t-shirt and torn jeans. You’re surprised and disappointed by what you see.
Besides the obvious fact that he doesn’t look as good as he does in his pictures, he didn’t care enough to make an effort for the occasion, when you took it seriously. Not only is it disrespectful to you but it says a lot about his character and how much he values himself as a person.
Of course, no one wants to be judged solely based on their looks. While appearances matter, attractiveness goes beyond the superficial. You don't need to have a chiseled jawline and rippling pectorals, dress in designer clothes or wear a size 2. Even if you’re genetically blessed, there are things that can take your attractiveness quotient down several notches.
If you’re playing the long game in love, you need to offer a lot more than just a pretty face and a toned body. You need to inspire attraction at a much deeper level. You need a solid inner game. An inner-confidence that comes from knowing your worth and what you have to offer.
Confidence doesn’t mean arrogance, nor does it mean bragging about yourself to others. Real confidence is subtle and genuine, It cannot be faked. Your dates will sense it whenever you do. If you want to be attractive, in the complete sense of the word, keep these key pointers in mind when presenting yourself to the world.
Self-love is more than just some tree-hugger catchphrase. It’s essential to becoming an attractive person. It begins with knowing who you are and what you’re all about, appreciating your strengths and accepting the less attractive parts of you. It’s seeing yourself as a whole person—with your gifts, vulnerabilities and brokenness— and being okay with sharing that with someone special. You’re confident in what you have to offer as a partner and you’re comfortable with communicating that with those who show interest in you.
It’s easier to be ourselves rather than a made-up version we think would be more attractive and acceptable to others. When your appearances and behavior match your personality there’s more harmony in your interpersonal connections. On dating apps, pick photos that showcase your natural qualities and that capture you doing things you love. If you enjoy water sports, show a picture of your water skiing. If you like playing chess, upload a picture of you playing the game.
Don’t make your search for love the center of your life. Focus on activities you enjoy in your career, health and relationships with friends and family. When you’re living life at a higher level, you don’t need someone to complete you—you need someone who complements you. Creating a full life filled with plans and projects you’re excited about make you a more interesting person.
While dating, it’s always best to travel lighter. Of course everyone has a history and has been hurt at some point, but the key is to not let the hurt define you and allow it to burden future partners. Take the responsibility and get the help you need to heal past pain and find closure. You’ll raise your personal vibration and make it easier for others to get to know you.
You want to be perceived as friendly and likeable to others. The way you communicate non-verbally plays a big part in that. Display an open, relaxed, non-threatening body language that’s warm and inviting to others. Smile, maintain eye contact when speaking with others. When touch is used appropriately, it can be a powerful way to boost attraction and intimacy.
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